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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I'm Having A Rough Day

 I will be getting married in less than 9 months and I'm having an emotional crisis because all I see throughout catalogs and wedding websites are thin brides who are wearing their size tiny dresses... I thought I would get some inspiration by going on to a website I'm a part of and checking out photos of larger brides. Well, I wish I had never done that because I saw a few with bulging hips and thighs, back fat coming over their bodice of the dress, and other sights which made me feel really bad about myself.

If that wasn't enough, I ordered scales to help me along this process and they came in today. Turns out, I weigh more than I thought I did and that sent me crashing down in the moods. I'm so grateful for my fiancee as I know he completely loves me for who I am and patiently listened to me as I moaned and groaned out my complaints today, however no matter how much he loves me for me, I see me for me, and what I see isn't what I want to see in a white dress!

Perhaps I am on the right track to getting this weight off but it hit me today, maybe I'm not doing enough? Maybe I need to be walking more or doing more aerobics. I don't know. I'm having a really hard day today and I'm trying to talk it out, but it's not working. I'm a wreck. My friends want to go try on wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses, but I dread it! I have my dress picked out already, I know it will fit as they make it in larger sizes, but I know that dress is not going to look the same on me and I'm devastated. I know his eyes will love me in whatever I wear, but when those doors open and I walk down the aisle, all eyes will be on me and I'm having a huge problem with image right now.

I have nine months, every day is a new day, and I will continue to go as I am now. No cheat days, no lazy days, no pills nor surgeries, just keep pushing it and working on my self esteem. Today, I'm having a mini pity party and it's getting me no where fast.

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